‘It is when I seem to be doing the least that I am doing the most.    

  Leonardo de Vinci   

As you may have noticed, my writer self has not been visible on this  page lately. Since the beginning of 2010, I have been in a place of deep introspection, contemplative listening: more being than doing, the nourishing nurturing space so vital to the  core of my ‘ I AM~ness’. Scanning my favourite art book, I was encouraged recently as I reread Jeanne Carbonetti’s insightful description of her process that so closely mirrors mine.  

“…the world goes into soft focus…when I am in the waiting cycle…paying attention to the slightest stirrings that guide me to the next step….the being in the world, but not of the world…. Had I been busily engaged in something productive, I may have missed those stirrings.”

And so it is and was for me, when the art above began to call forth, beckon,  flow on to the page guiding me from within to paint it into life.  I stared fascinated, bemused by the pattern splay; the moving into intention phase, bringing  essence into clear focus.

The following dialogue began running through my awareness ~ I burst out laughing,  tears running down my cheeks and I had to stop the paint flow and capture the wordage flow on paper. 

“I am Brigid. Brigid the goddess of Inspiration”, she began.  Ummmmm… Okay, I thought: I had placed that card on my desk top recently for several months. Good, inspiration was stirring within.

AND THEN THE YAMMERING BEGAN

~I soon began to think of her as ‘Sassy Assy’ rather than Goddess Brigid, as you may immanently understand~ 

(~~ at sentence beginning will indicate Brigid’s words )

Hey come on You, it’s time to stop this now!
~~Huh~ I ain’t’ stopping

I mean you gotta quit spreading your fire wings…its getting ridiculous…you’re almost off the page
~~So what’s the problem…who’s to say…

Well, I am. You’re going into an art show, and so you will be viewed as a work of art and you should be …
~~Should be what!  I’m a work for anyone to judge!!!  No way!
Who are you?  What’s up….you’ve waited all these years to come to  this moment and you are telling me not to spread my wings, not to take up all the space that surrounds me…

Well no, I guess…
~~Whadda you mean…you guess…. I don’t believe you!  What happened to you!!

Well we kinda created this YOU… together right?
~~Right… soooooooo

Well I only knew I was birthing something, ‘cause I felt so crappy for so long~ and then I sensed how close I was to this change within and … and I  already knew what I was submitting to the International Women’s Day Art show!   It was a done deal and…
~~And what !!!!  I hadn’t appeared yet! ….so NO deal~!!

Well ummmmm…in my cauldron of mulling and fogginess of becoming ness ummm…ahhhh I just thought I’d play with paint…that creativity always feels good in the midst of my inner turmoil and then…
~~YAH and then….I SURPRISED YOU DIDN’T I~!!!!

Yah you did~ painted~ let it dry~came down the next day~and there you are staring at me~ Up heaving all my plans…

~~Hey you…Linda! …it’s like this…

~~if you are open to divine will, you are on the path of conscious living, willing to transform within and without…haha ~ what a word….within and out wardly….And then I am willing to allow you to paint me onto the page to show you what you are birthing i.e.  Your INNER PHOENIX!!!!!  What’s your problem with what I LOOK LIKE…~~!!!!!!

You’re gonna go through all this and then Give a Damn about what other people think about how I look!!!!!   Seeding, gestating labouring and emerging IS MESSY work alright~~! There ain’t any other way…

~~And now that I am here, Lady….you bet I’m gonna spread my wings any which way I CHOOSE.

LOOK OUT WORLD HERE WE COME~!

 Oh my jumping heavenly hosts, I silently mumbled, remembering the truth of the saying:

 Be Careful What You Pray For~~

Un~Masking The Mask

Masks or the art of mask making had never called to me~

From my experience they had signified a sense of hiding, deceit, an attempt at confusion.
~the Masked Man
~Mask of Zorro
~Master of the Masque

None of these concepts appealed to me as I had spent my life attempting to see through, see behind the invisible to the eye masks, worn by people everyday. I understand now that I had been longing to see truly, soul to soul with another; not something society in general longs for in most areas of the ‘civilized’ world.

Why would one be drawn to masking I often queried ~ I later learned that therapeutically  people may feel safer when ‘masked’ to explore, to bring into awareness, to show to the world more of their inner self, both the light and the darker aspects of their deeper nature. And of course for many they may be fun.

Still this didn’t call to me.  Curious, I went to Wikipedia:

A mask is an article normally worn on the face, typically for protection, concealment, performance, or amusement. Masks have been used since antiquity for both ceremonial and practical purposes. They are usually worn on the face, although they may also be positioned for effect elsewhere on the wearer’s body, so in parts of Australia giant totem masks cover the body, whilst Inuit women use finger masks during storytelling and dancing.

Then one Saturday morning, having completed  2 weeks in the Expressive Arts Therapy course I walked into the soothing quiet of the light filled studio at the Haliburton School of the Arts. My classmate friends and teachers were gone and the familiar creative haven of ‘becomingness’ beckoned me forth. 

Materials for sculpting, painting, beading, wire work, moulding, mixed media, mobiles, sound making all lay before me in a wondrous pattern of possibilities.

I had come to paint.

Intuitive art was my ‘thing’~ my returned passion, my source form of expression.

I had come to paint.

Perusing the artistic array with assured gait, I walked over and chose beads, feathers, paints, brushes, a form, other additives and moved to my workspace. 

Shortly thereafter, all the while working and listening deeply within, I stared down as

my SPIRITUAL WARRIOR gazed up at me.

I had made a MASK~!

It was then I understood. I had spent my life imploring, questing, calling out for answers, the energy, the grace to UNMASK myself, layer after layer after layer~ 

I had had no desire to add yet another MASK of any kind ~

In yet,  from the depths of my inner knowing my SoulPower Mask emerged before me.

‘Linda, I AM your truth.
I have been waiting all your life for you to come home.
I am your integrated, aligned essence: Now, let the gift of your truth shine, so that it may invite others to do the same.

A few months later, a new restlessness began to stir within me. I had to find a certain piece of prose kept for years. Lying in my filing cabinet, I finally uncovered the writing below.

Its message had been subconsciously guiding me, calling me back home to my authentic self, all along.

DAILY AFFIRMATION FOR YOUR PATH OF EMPOWERMENT

I am a new warrior of spirit
I exist in a world of sacred balance
I balance with one foot in the physical world of material substance
And one foot in the dimensions of spirit and sacred life
My course is set by my ally~ the winds of time.

Mother Earth gives me life force~
The life blood of my sacred body
The plants give me nourishment and healing
As I ride the wind horse of my intent
My sacred warrior’s transport of buoyant joy~
Into a new and unknown world of harmony

I am truly a new warrior
An androgynous spirit being of light
My weapons are the shield of awareness
The symbols of ancient truth and the sacred giveaway
Like the angels that surround me
Few see me for who I really am

I do commerce in the world
I raise my family. I live a life dedicated to freedom
I immerse myself in the physical world
So that one day I can give it up
Because I can give up only something that I truly have

People learn from me through example
Because of the integrity of my own life and spirit
I move into the world with confidence and wisdom
I am always open and learning tools of knowledge
And I share these tools with my sisters and my brothers

I am a warrior of the light
And I live the integrity of that truth with great care
From a center within myself that is pure goodness~
The embodiment of the peaceful soul

I walk with confidence
The path of heart and personal power~

Anonymous

What mask might be loosening for you?

If you lifted this mask off how would your world change ?

How would revealing more of your true self gift our world?

Blessings and gentle strength to you~

Linda

As a Guidance Counsellor who loved being with the students not so much the administrative tasks, as you may deduce from the sign above I posted on my office door, my awesome team mate ‘supervisor’ Jean, smiled at me trustingly and obligingly said: ‘Great, you work with the students and develop the Grade 9 program for the school.’

That left me speechless since both she and I knew I was great at process work in the moment; not great at writing down the ‘how’ of anything I did. Jean however was and is a very loving and wise woman: she asked another counsellor, my friend to sit at the back of the room and write down what she observed as I interacted with the students. Then together as a staff we co-created a wonderful program for the grade 9’s in that school.

This particular day, we were discussing self esteem, ‘full steam ahead’ ability. 

Listening to my intuition, I said to the class: “Let’s try something new.  I need 3 volunteers and I am going to say something positive, negative or neutral to you. The only thing is that you will not know which one it will be. I need you to respond to me in role play.”

A young girl put up her hand. In a loud condescending tone I scolded: “You haven’t cleaned up your room or done your home work! No you are not going out!”Immediately the student began to berate me, call me names and fall predictably into the angry teenager role.   I then stopped, thanked her and asked the class if they had ever seen this happen. All heads nodded in unison.

I asked for the next volunteer.  Another young girl put up her hand and I spoke: “Its great weather we have today.”  She agreed.

As I asked for the third volunteer, of course the whole class already knew what scenario was left.  A young boy bravely stood up.  I looked at him and in a warm caring voice said, “Do you ever have a nice smile”. 

Silence.  Profound nothingness. You could have heard a pin drop. Thirty two students ~ not a sound.

I looked around the room and said to the class, “What’s happening?”

After what seemed like a long time, someone said: “He doesn’t know what to say.  We don’t hear nice things like that.”

Three more times, 3 more classes, grade 9 through grade eleven; same results consistently. It was then, with a lump in my throat, that my soul knew the depth of this teaching and the dire need to offer this tool to others. I am saddened once again, just remembering the heart felt depth of this moment and the deep trust those students had in me to be able to ‘stay with me in this process….

From my journalling I wrote back then:
this is the work of my soul and I know it so is so simple but so vital to wellness…help me god to bring this to the world in your way…show me, guide me…..thank you for bringing into my life the support for me in this work, my dear friends, my soul friend co-workers and family members who support me in this manner……

As always, I am hearing Truth is so simple. Linda, go back to the simple.

In that moment I saw laid bare, the pain of the unacknowledged soul.  The tender hearts of our pain filled children: the same pain that had drowned my soul as a very young child and most likely the souls of my own children at times, before I became aware.  It is one of those moments when the precious gift of being a ‘teacher’ touched me to the core.

On the surface, how simple a compliment seems. Just an ordinary phrase.  No big deal.

Not so~ A compliment is an open hearted act of kindness. Seemingly small, a compliment has the love force of touching another and reverberating to the essence of who we are. Validating, healing, energizing…
 
So what was my lesson, the nugget of gold from this profound awareness?   I began to see clearly how easily many are conditioned to respond quickly in defensive anger, negativity, meanness and also how many are unable to receive the positive or the ‘good’. 

 
How long will we choose to resist the simple truth of caring and kindness?

 How can we begin to change this together?

 What simple compliment, act of kindness may you offer or accept today, toward becoming the change in this world we all share?

 Your Choice~

 ”One ship drives east, another west with the self-same winds that blow.            

       ‘Tis the set of the sails and not the gales which tells us the way to go.           

                   Like the waves of the sea are the waves of fate.

As we voyage along through life.             

   ‘Tis the set of the soul which decides the goal; and not the calm or the strife.”

~ELLA WHEELER WILCOX :  Creating A New Paradigm

American Poet & Journalist & Free Thinker
(November 5, 1850 ~ October 30, 1919)

“The art of being kind” was her religion, and she lived it every day of her  life.”

My Journal: the ‘raw unplugged’ … Lakeshore ~ AUG. 26th/09

“If the wind could blow my troubles away
Blow my troubles away…..”

I remember walking another beach years ago pleading, shouting these words into the raging storm flinging my arms skyward in supplication ~

Today – just whacked, wiped, trusting, living in the now ~ affirming ~moment by moment,
Knowing, conscious of, not in denial of all the lessons, challenges that are moving me forward to
creating the new      all of which I can alllllmossstttt ~~~~see~~~ on the horizon.

So, I am sitting at a picnic table~
First time hungry today ~ having eaten a Tim’s bagel, broccoli soup ~ watching the wind surfers.
Am feeling stronger more connected to the world around me and am now mostly my calm observer self again.                And knowing, I cannot STOP LETTING GO~ ……..letting go of stuff, things, relationships that no longer flow anymore, taking to goodwill store, garage sale-ing, gifting, recycling, repairing, restoring, refurbishing, passing it forward, giving, giving, giving, letttttting goooooooo~

Computer clearing, deleting, reorganizing, recreating, sorting, simplifying    on and on and on ~                          Cleaning, organizing cupboards, closets, drawers, cubbies, making space for the new~
                                   ~energy, ideas, people, love, gifts, abundance and prosperity in my mind, heart and  soul, home, work, relationships

I’m the CEO of LETTING GO!  Renewing, re-membering, transforming my life.

Letting go of residuals of hurt, sadness, fear, resistance, grudges, denial, confusion, disorganization,
I cant’s, don’ wannas, won’t works, of competition, of ‘better than me’s ~

The list of FEARS ~~~~ False Evidence Appearing as Real is endless~~~

Could build the Great wall of China, block by block if one chose to pile up the blocks of fear inculcated within us  by all that surrounds in this world……So many blocks, damn blocks~ invisible~

Invisible ghosts in the mind ~ so powerful~ overpowering~
when we ‘BELIEVE’ THEY ARENT’ THERE…they hold even more of our POWER.

GHOSTBUSTERS~ name of the movie~
Ironically most descriptively powerful when it’s MINDBUSTING that is needed.  
 

I AM THE CEO OF LETTING GO~ Flinging myself into the void of all possibilities….

END OF JOURNAL ENTRY…..

And then the windsurfer walks up to me and begins to tell me his story. “My wife and I came from Newfoundland 20 years ago for job interviews; I am a sail maker.    

 (I smile  as I hear my spirit laughing…..I always know when I am in for another butt kicking into the next shift….all from good intentions, of course~! )

“I had an interview in another city and then came here. The interview went well and then my wife and I went to explore the city. We found this windy bay, full of sailboats and windsurfers and decided this was where we were meant to be.  It has never been that windy since!  But we have been happy here, taking weeks or months off to windsurf at the best surfing places on the continent when the work is slower. Now we have bought property in a beautiful place up north, by the Great Lakes and  building our home on the water.   Amazing isn’t it how spirit gets us to where we are to be, I grin and he and his wife laugh with me.

“Then I say to him: It must take a lot of strength to wind surf.

“No he responded. Actually see that young woman over there in the striped top, the one who looks like the wind will blow her over. She is one of the best surfers in the club. She knows how to sense the wind, to bend and move with the waves the motion of the bay.

She moves so beautifully across the water, with no effort.

By now, I am grinning, sassing spirit, inwardly saying…. OKAY ALREADY… You know I ‘know’ this lesson, but obviously you’re taking me through a refresher course.

I AM TO BE LIKE A WINDSURFER~ letting go of  ’being strong, TRYING to make it work ~ I am to return to trusting, sensing, moving, flowing, riding the waves of life…..letting go, letting go with arms flung to the sky again,

welcoming the NEW, for the joy of the ride and highest call of my soul.

What might shift, arrive for you, if you should choose to let go~ perhaps of just one thing: the one right there ~ in your awareness?

 How might that change your life?

Come  join me, surfing along the waters of  life~!