Believing Ones Way Beyond The Fear
I Pulled my Courage up from the Depths of Somewhere…
There are times in life, when suddenly the path ahead is obscured beyond any human understanding. The challenge looming menacingly ahead, may feel like a roaring avalanche about to engulf, when one hadn’t even been aware that they had stepped onto the mountain. Choosing to trust this mysterious force is not a journey for the faint of heart. It is however, the pathway to miracles and breathing space.
The En Visioning Call of My Soul…
Having completed my Bachelor of Arts degree in psychology, I then was offered a place in the Faculty of Education to complete my teaching degree. Being in fear through most of my teens, feeling little personal power and lack of support, even censure when I had attempted to embrace life in new ways, I had not ventured into the world to follow my heart’s desire after high school. I truly began to embrace the inner challenge of the ongoing ‘lesson’ of reclaiming my authenticity throughout my marriage. At the earth age of ‘30′ mother of 4 children, sitting in the golden ( really!) chair I will always remember, I clearly heard my Higher Self say to me:
“Linda, you CAN become a teacher!”
Stunned, I began to breathe in the possiblity of reclaiming the dream I had secretly carried, since I was a tiny child. The rest of this is a story for another day……
Now Life was calling me again and and just as imperatively. This time the reverberations awakened my saddened soul and I knew that the only choice for me was to accept the honour of being offered a place at the Faculty, although having no idea ‘how’ any of this could be possible. I had just become the single parent of four children with an already large student loan, part time work as a grocery clerk left me with no idea “How” I was to pay the bills each month. Then I suddenly learned that the children and I were now living in a home that going up for sale, imminently In Yet……
Beckoned from within, in both great fear and mumbling prayer, I blindly began to trust the vision I had seen years earlier. Although I truly felt I was in a check mate position I pulled my courage up from the depth of somewhere I knew not, since this route seemed the only way I would be able to secure a teaching position to be able to care for my family.
I had forgotten that my soul knew the golden path before me.
Arising in the dark each morning, four hours before class was to begin in the city, I would travel, study and return home in the evening. When people asked me how I did this, my reply was always: “Please don’t ask me right now.” It seemed that if I spoke, my suppressed pain and exhaustion would engulf me; I needed every bit of my energy focused on the task ahead. I carried the poem Footprints folded in my wallet and simply kept keeping on.
The inevitable day came when I looked in the refrigerator and there was almost nothing eat. My insides began to cave. Shaking and silently praying, I heard my oldest daughter say: “Its okay mom, it’s been worse”.
I blessed her for her faith. There comes a level of fear that is completely numbing and perhaps this is the gift that allows one to continue moving forward into the unknown when trust is still a fledging. Arising at 5:00 a. m. the next morning, I once again headed to the university, fear pulsing the beat of my heart.
Later that day, researching in the library, the librarian noticed I was strained. I mentioned my situation and that this time I simply didn’t know how I could continue and I had no answers in my awareness, anymore. She smiled and me took down the hall, indicating the Awards Office. Go in there now, she lovingly told me and gently nudged me forward.
On automatic pilot, I entered and began to speak, tears falling as my words dripped out. I will never forget the woman who questioned and listened that day. She gently told me to take the form, to fill it in immediately and return it right away.
Then, because I had ‘believed’ my way beyond my fear and had shared with another ~ since a Miracle is simply a Change in Perception, the key to opening to a miracle began to unfold.
Having reached beyond my old belief system of “ You Have to Do it all Yourself” , three days later I had enough money for food as she handed me the cheque and my eyes once again filled with tears. She soothed my aching soul by acknowledging: “You really need this, don’t you.”
To my surprise, she also passed me another application form, repeating the instructions to complete it immediately. This went on for three months, allowing me to feed my children, to complete my year and graduate with my Bachelor of Education.
I never knew the woman’s name, but to me she was my Angel. This possibly humiliating situation brought healing and hope to me and my family, through her heart felt compassion. Allowing me to keep my dignity, she saw with eyes of love. I truly know that she was one of ways in which Divine Love carried me through that year.
Graduating with honours was merely a bonus. How the rest of the technicalities worked out, I really don’t remember. I do know for sure, however that there truly are angels on earth.
I know she was one of the many Human Angels who believed in me and carried me through that year.
Dear God/dess, thank you for every day miracles. May we remember that when we forget and tremble in fear, You have infinite resources beyond all measures. Thank you for the still small voice within that guides and supports us, through what may seem the most dire of circumstances. For this most precious gift we offer our heartfelt and humble thanks.
Might you be ready to shift one perception; to invite a miracle into your life?
And if so, which one do you choose to shift ?
Many blessings Linda
Heart Talk or Babble ?
Is the Language of Human Kind Universal?
The Burning Question…..
Recently I attended several Expressive Arts Therapy courses with wonderful people from many different backgrounds and nationalities. During our time together, many of us connected with each other in deep understanding and communion.
A Korean classmate spoke English that greatly improved over only a few weeks and I commented on her incredible language facility. She just smiled and said to me: “Linda, is easy talk with you. You talk heart talk, same same, like me.” So simply, did she state this beautiful truth.
This experience reminded me of a time years ago, when I was blessed to be one of the team members who facilitated the safe arrival of a family from Taiwan to our town. My task was to assist them in finding housing, supplies and to generally introduce them to the every day functioning of Canadian life. Amidst the many challenges and hurdles, we laughed, learned and shared much.
Early in our relationship, I invited the family to join us at the arena to watch my son’s hockey game. This I felt, would offer the 3 young boys an outing and some good old Canadian sports experience. My youngest daughter, about 5 at the time, loved any new adventure and she joined me on this day. The family, although quiet was fascinated with the arena, the ice and the new sport. After awhile however, Holli began pleading with me to allow her to take Khan, the youngest boy with her to show him around.
Off they ran together to explore and play. This was the first time that they had been alone together, in a new environment. About half way through the game, breathless and bursting with boundless energy, my Holli ran up to me, interrupting our adult conversation by pulling on my coat. I immediately asked her what was happening. She looked at me in complete surprise.
“Mommy, mommy” she said, “MOMMY, HE DOESN’T SPEAK ENGLISH !”
Suddenly she was noticing that in all the time she had shared with the boys, the words they used were not the same as hers. In all the getting to know each other, the exploration, fun, and joy they shared together, language had never mattered. As my new friend simply stated, and Holli intuitively knew, the language of the heart and soul always leads the way.
Too often in this world, we have chosen the TOWER OF BABEL mode of communication, with dire results. The language of human kind is indeed universal if we choose to remember.
What we truly need to understand one another is an open heart, the desire to connect and the remembering that we truly are all ONE.
Learning to Love Yourself
005
Learning to love yourself, is the beginning of a life long romance.
Oscar Wilde
If You Can Exist In a Feeling of Love
One of my favorite Soul Print expressions of kindness, I found in a beautifully simple but profound book, titled Living in Joy.
If you can exist in a feeling of love~
If you can find it in everything you do,
Transmit it through your touch,
through your words,
eyes and feelings~
You can cancel out with one act of love
thousands of acts
of a lower nature.
Sanaya Roman
I WONDER… how our world would shift, if we resonated this wisdom, more often?
What if one’s life purpose is simply to be kind?
Would It Be That Simple?
Kindness seems a simple word: ordinary, short, an every day type of word, easy to toss into any conversation. It’s unlike seemingly loaded words, such as ‘success’ ‘forgiveness’ ‘abundance’ ‘emotion’ ‘commitment’.
I investigated the WEBSTER’S NEW WORLD dictionary:
Kind (kind) n (OE cynd) 1. natural group or division 2. essential character 3. sort; variety; class. —adj. sympathetic, gentle, benevolent
Fascinating I pondered, that the ‘being kind’ concept, the emotion of ‘kind’ was listed last; that it seems to be most often observable in others; that it appears to be more powerful, through action. Hummmmm, (this is me musing on paper).
Canada, as true Canadians know, is a land where one may need both a bathing suit and a parka in the same day. We thrive, it seems on variety! And so, several days ago in April. I awakened to a beautiful artistic display of deep mid-winter landscape once again~! Some blessings come too often~!
I was delighted to hear Vince’s snowplough outside, as he’s been most obliging this winter, waiting as I search for my car hiding under mounds of sparkling white. He then quickly cleans my spot and I drive back in, saving me much time and labour. This day, rather than returning to work, I drove to the local coffee shop, purchased a coffee for me and a Gift Card for Vince. As I offered it to him with thanks you, he smiled and said:” You don’t have to do that!” “I know”, I smiled. “But, I wanted to!”
Arriving at my lakeside coffee spot, I intended to watch the beauty of the ice breaking into shattering crystal shards. My soul breathes differently when the lake is free once more to visibly flow and sparkle, to rest and reflect, much like me. Water watching in all forms is one of my favourite meditations.
In only a moment I realized this viewpoint was not a good choice at the bottom of a medium hill. I was now sliding on the icy surface beneath the snow, stranded. On the hilltop, I noticed someone in a car and thought they may have remembered to bring a cell phone, unlike me. Walking up the hill, I watched them turn and drive away. Well I thought they must have been afraid I would ask them to push me out. ‘Wow’, my Observer self said: ‘I’m certainly moving to less reactivity in my situations and this is a good thing’!
Okay, ‘all that is’, I vocalized. (my prayers come in all shapes, sounds and forms.) ‘I know it. I have made a not so great choice and I can begin the long cold walk home, but is there another possibility?’
No kidding! In 5 more steps a van pulled up! Really! Approaching, I sensed I was safe, waved to the man, rolling down his window and said: “Hi’, you don’t know me, I’m Linda and I can’t get my car up the hill, would you have a cell phone I could use?”
“Linda”, he said “hop in the van”.
You would have to know me, to realize that it is very unlike me ordinarily to concur, but this time I chose to listen deeply to the intuitive message of my gut. ‘Go ahead’, I sensed, ‘you are very safe here.’ So into his van, I stepped.
In short, I called CAA for roadside assistance, thanked the man and reached for the door handle. I heard him say: “What if you give me the keys and I will give it a try. What have you got to lose, Linda ?”
I laughed into his gentle eyes and handed over the keys. Shortly thereafter, my Freedomobile nudged to hilltop; me high five-ing and him, one of those seasoned people who have innate driving skills within, grinning widely.
Calling CAA back, the representative laughed when I told her I had gone to get a gift card to thank someone, gotten stranded having my coffee, had met a complete stranger who ‘rescued’ me and so I no longer needed assistance. My new stranger, friend was laughing listening to how I had ended up in my predicament, I was laughing in the telling of my story, my new CAA friend was laughing, saying, “There really are great people in the world, aren’t there!”
There are, for certain.
Finally asking his name I shook hands with Nick, who was only on that very hill because he had gotten lost on his way to help someone else! I told him I was a writer and asked his permission to tell our story. His nod and smile were my affirmation. “Nick”, I said, “I would like to pay you”.
He reached out and patted my shoulder, saying “Linda, HAPPY EASTER.”
Some people are only in our lives for a short time. We never truly know when or how come they appear. Often they are there when we most need them. Sometimes they are the bringers of quiet miracles: most always in a form of kindness. Kindness, I have observed, goes round and round in circles, blessing both the giver and the receiver in mystical, magical moments.
And me? This incident brought to me the gift of deeper awareness. The gift of being present for self kindness: in this case, by remembering my cell phone. By being lovingly responsible for myself.
Kindness after all, must begin from within. We cannot give to others, that which we have not first given to our self, kindly.
It’s really is that simple.
Smiles and blessings
Linda
