Complicated Compliments CONUNDRUM~
You Could Have Heard A Pin Drop
As a Guidance Counsellor who loved being with the students not so much the administrative tasks, as you may deduce from the sign above I posted on my office door, my awesome team mate ‘supervisor’ Jean, smiled at me trustingly and obligingly said: ‘Great, you work with the students and develop the Grade 9 program for the school.’
That left me speechless since both she and I knew I was great at process work in the moment; not great at writing down the ‘how’ of anything I did. Jean however was and is a very loving and wise woman: she asked another counsellor, my friend to sit at the back of the room and write down what she observed as I interacted with the students. Then together as a staff we co-created a wonderful program for the grade 9’s in that school.
This particular day, we were discussing self esteem, ‘full steam ahead’ ability.
Listening to my intuition, I said to the class: “Let’s try something new. I need 3 volunteers and I am going to say something positive, negative or neutral to you. The only thing is that you will not know which one it will be. I need you to respond to me in role play.”
A young girl put up her hand. In a loud condescending tone I scolded: “You haven’t cleaned up your room or done your home work! No you are not going out!”Immediately the student began to berate me, call me names and fall predictably into the angry teenager role. I then stopped, thanked her and asked the class if they had ever seen this happen. All heads nodded in unison.
I asked for the next volunteer. Another young girl put up her hand and I spoke: “Its great weather we have today.” She agreed.
As I asked for the third volunteer, of course the whole class already knew what scenario was left. A young boy bravely stood up. I looked at him and in a warm caring voice said, “Do you ever have a nice smile”.
Silence. Profound nothingness. You could have heard a pin drop. Thirty two students ~ not a sound.
I looked around the room and said to the class, “What’s happening?”
After what seemed like a long time, someone said: “He doesn’t know what to say. We don’t hear nice things like that.”
Three more times, 3 more classes, grade 9 through grade eleven; same results consistently. It was then, with a lump in my throat, that my soul knew the depth of this teaching and the dire need to offer this tool to others. I am saddened once again, just remembering the heart felt depth of this moment and the deep trust those students had in me to be able to ‘stay with me in this process….
From my journalling I wrote back then:
this is the work of my soul and I know it so is so simple but so vital to wellness…help me god to bring this to the world in your way…show me, guide me…..thank you for bringing into my life the support for me in this work, my dear friends, my soul friend co-workers and family members who support me in this manner……As always, I am hearing Truth is so simple. Linda, go back to the simple.
In that moment I saw laid bare, the pain of the unacknowledged soul. The tender hearts of our pain filled children: the same pain that had drowned my soul as a very young child and most likely the souls of my own children at times, before I became aware. It is one of those moments when the precious gift of being a ‘teacher’ touched me to the core.
On the surface, how simple a compliment seems. Just an ordinary phrase. No big deal.
Not so~ A compliment is an open hearted act of kindness. Seemingly small, a compliment has the love force of touching another and reverberating to the essence of who we are. Validating, healing, energizing…
So what was my lesson, the nugget of gold from this profound awareness? I began to see clearly how easily many are conditioned to respond quickly in defensive anger, negativity, meanness and also how many are unable to receive the positive or the ‘good’.
How long will we choose to resist the simple truth of caring and kindness?
How can we begin to change this together?
What simple compliment, act of kindness may you offer or accept today, toward becoming the change in this world we all share?
Mom! Are There Two Gods In Church Today~
Precious Gifts From Our Children
Long ago and just the other day it seems, I was blessed to give birth to my beautiful daughter Holli, a gem who gratefully chose me as her mom. From this wee being wisdom flowed freely. Holli would give voice to things others would never notice, or at least never dare to express. I loved and still love her ‘eyes wide open’ perspective on life.
When the children were young, I would take them all to our historical village church and we would settle into the hard, old wooden pews. Holli, as a baby would be snuggled facing me, with her next older sister sitting facing forward, back to back with her. On each side of us sat her oldest sister and her brother. As church service would pass, the children would play with my rings, hand and foot games or draw on paper produced from my purse.
This particular Sunday Holli, who was four years old, wore her best dress with white leotards and black patent shoes. Over top, she wore her silver faux fur coat buttoned up the front. Enhancing her attire was her radiant smile, huge blue, see into your soul eyes and her mass of curly blonde hair pulled up into a knot on top of her head. A charmer she was, absolutely.
We were pleased to see Reverend Sam Obal from Kenya was at our parish that day, assisting Reverend Tonks with communion.
Open hearted, the light of God shone from Sam’s face.
Holli seemed a bit restless during the service and was quietly walking the 3 feet of empty pew space beside us, all the while intently watching both Sam and Basil in their long white vestments. Finally she settled into the high backed corner of the pew, standing with her elbow resting on the aisle edge, where she had a splendid view of the proceedings.
It would be important for the reader to know that this particular church was still attended by the direct ancestors of the original settlers, who had built the architecturally beautiful structure in the early 1800’s. Newcomers would soon learn to be certain that they sat in any place other than the particular pews invisibly labelled: ‘for direct descendants only’.
And then it happened. Holli clearly and loudly interjected her question.
“Mom, are there two Gods in Church today?”
“Holli”, I whispered, I’ll tell you later.” Snickers. You could feel the distracted rustling finally ebbing, as the church settled once more. Long pause. More observation. More consternation. I could sense her still pondering since Holli and I had always been so closely connected, even before her birth.
“Please dear God, help her wait this one out”, I silently prayed.
“Well”, she finally proclaimed loudly to all: “If they aren’t two Gods, are they two ANGELS?” That did it. The whole congregation bubbled with rolling laughter.
And yet the story is not complete. When it came time for communion, Rev. Sam reached down and picked up Holli. The contrasting image of this 7 foot tall black man holding tiny blonde Holli in his hands, so that they were smiling face to face, is one I treasure, always.As it is written, like Mary in times of old, these things I keep deep in my heart.
May we be thankful for the clear seeing, free flowing thoughts and queries of children. For the insight, candidness and laughter they bring to our days.
May we remember the innocence of the child in us who longs to be free to ponder, to voice aloud unedited the deep wonderings of our heart.
What might you try today in spontaneity just because you have always wanted to? I invite you to take a risk. Trust in yourself.
Go For It Now~~~~
Believing in the wisdom of YOU ….blessings Linda
Why Doesn’t God Want You To See Him Linda?
When the ‘Creative’ is Everywhere….
“How come God doesn’t want you to see him Linda?” questioned my tiny but very wise friend, 3 year old Ronnie. I stopped painting the trim on the door and looked into his deep brown eyes, wise beyond his years. Eyeball to eyeball he pierced my soul unblinkingly.
“Ummm, well Ronnie, that’s a good question. I’ll have to think about that one for a minute”, I responded.
Looking back now, I know that I most likely missed a wonderful opportunity in my speechless state. Often I would respond to a child’s question with: “Well what do you think” and from that query, have received some amazing insights.
Ronnie, son of my friends, had been in my life since his birth. However after his father died when he was the tender age of 2, he became part of our family day care. I held him close, day after day, as he sobbed from the depths of his being, now also separated from his mother who needed to go back to work. Over time, we became deeply connected, this tiny sage and me, as we shared in common a well of deep inner quietness and contemplation.
From this place, Ronnie had posed an ageless philosophical question, debated across the ages. I am not certain I remember how I finally answered him. I do know that it resonated within me from a similar place of seeking.
Ronnie was the echoing voice, the mirror of my own searching: a construct I could share with few others at that time.
How come God doesn’t want to be seen, Ronnie? From my awareness today, I would now respond to him in this manner.
‘Ronnie, I believe that God /dess, Source, Great Spirit, Creator ( insert your own words for the universal life force energy) from a great sense of humour gave us a most precious gift by not showing us the ‘Divine I Am ’. Seeing God would be too easy and you would miss all the really important stuff like how God sounds and feels and how God talks to you and loves you, always.
And you might be looking in only one direction ~ when God is here and there and in the sunshine and the trees and peoples smiles and splashy rain puddles, the dancing music notes, in puppy dog kisses and fairy forests and rainbows, in laughing dolphins and fuzzy warm blankets and ‘specially inside your beautiful heart.’
And I would say to him today:
‘And it’s important to know too, that ’God’ is with you also in the sad times, and the scary: always there in the dark and the light. The ‘God’ source never changes, it’s only us who may choose to move away from the eternal light and love.
We are also then invited to see the wonder of all the universe, whatever that divine energy is called, through the eyes of our own heart and soul, just like you did then as a small child, since one must be able to see deeply, to pose such an insightful question.’
For the Creator of all is found in all things.
Even in you and me, my precious one~!
Help us Divine All Knowing to see clearly with wonder, like that of a child: to sense deeply your Presence always. Open our hearts to the abundant ‘awe~ someness’ of life that surrounds us, reflecting back to us the reverberating wonder and intrigue of our bounteous world.
What Do You See, when you search for the Creator ?
What do you Sense, Feel, Hear, Intuit?
How does this feed and nurture Your Spirit ?
Warm wishes as you journey ~ Linda
Heart Talk or Babble ?
Is the Language of Human Kind Universal?
The Burning Question…..
Recently I attended several Expressive Arts Therapy courses with wonderful people from many different backgrounds and nationalities. During our time together, many of us connected with each other in deep understanding and communion.
A Korean classmate spoke English that greatly improved over only a few weeks and I commented on her incredible language facility. She just smiled and said to me: “Linda, is easy talk with you. You talk heart talk, same same, like me.” So simply, did she state this beautiful truth.
This experience reminded me of a time years ago, when I was blessed to be one of the team members who facilitated the safe arrival of a family from Taiwan to our town. My task was to assist them in finding housing, supplies and to generally introduce them to the every day functioning of Canadian life. Amidst the many challenges and hurdles, we laughed, learned and shared much.
Early in our relationship, I invited the family to join us at the arena to watch my son’s hockey game. This I felt, would offer the 3 young boys an outing and some good old Canadian sports experience. My youngest daughter, about 5 at the time, loved any new adventure and she joined me on this day. The family, although quiet was fascinated with the arena, the ice and the new sport. After awhile however, Holli began pleading with me to allow her to take Khan, the youngest boy with her to show him around.
Off they ran together to explore and play. This was the first time that they had been alone together, in a new environment. About half way through the game, breathless and bursting with boundless energy, my Holli ran up to me, interrupting our adult conversation by pulling on my coat. I immediately asked her what was happening. She looked at me in complete surprise.
“Mommy, mommy” she said, “MOMMY, HE DOESN’T SPEAK ENGLISH !”
Suddenly she was noticing that in all the time she had shared with the boys, the words they used were not the same as hers. In all the getting to know each other, the exploration, fun, and joy they shared together, language had never mattered. As my new friend simply stated, and Holli intuitively knew, the language of the heart and soul always leads the way.
Too often in this world, we have chosen the TOWER OF BABEL mode of communication, with dire results. The language of human kind is indeed universal if we choose to remember.
What we truly need to understand one another is an open heart, the desire to connect and the remembering that we truly are all ONE.
